Life as we know it is a road full of ups and downs, good and bad days, great and awful experiences. We all know the old Romanian saying „ După orice furtună apare soarele şi se limpezesc apele cerului. ”, which in English translates to “After any storm, the sun appears and the waters of the sky clear.” But what happens when the sun doesn’t come out after a while? When old feelings resurface from time to time with no intention of ever going away?
As humans we are created to survive, our history shows that, our beliefs and instincts. They all are great examples of the strength we hide inside. However, don’t let that fool you. Power comes after the grieving process, the mourning of past relationships, of the things we had and wished we would have held on tighter too. It takes time, effort, and tears, and finally the realization of the most used phrase “Everything happens for a reason”. You may find yourself stuck on the last step, not quite ready to let go. It’s more common than you would think.
There is no formula to getting over someone, to forget the things they have done to you, no expiration date to your emotions, and hardly any action you could do to make that change in no time.
I find baby steps the most effective pursue. Do not reach out, do not ask questions. Some things are better off left in the past. They can harm you at any given stage. Living in the social media era, you may find yourself stalking their page \, looking through old photos trying to relive those beautiful memories you strongly hold on to. Here comes the most challenging part: fighting yourself, your desire, and your dreams. It is a constant war between your brain, your common sense, and your heart. “They made me happy. What if they change their mind? Maybe they want me back.” All of that may be true but just consider this. Something happened that lead to the break-up. If not something, someone. Would you feel better if they returned or is your life just different, out of the routine you got used to?
As a study says, it takes our body 66 days to create a habit, in our case to normalize the fact that the person we cared about is gone. Another one shows how after 3 months, the sadness you have left is in fact created by our self-harm mechanism. I can exemplify many other research articles, but the gist from all this is “getting over is not "a one-size-fits-all trial”. You are your person, with feelings so powerful you may simply not understand yet. So take the time you need, don’t count days, weeks, months. Don’t try to rush it. Don’t lie to others and especially to yourself that they don’t mean anything to you anymore. Something I like to say is “Enjoy this grieving time, put on sad music, watch corny romantic comedies and eat loads of ice cream “ because this is the most beautiful part, the part in which the caterpillar decides is ready to evolve in the wonderful butterfly we all get to see in the end.
Writer:Cristea Larisa-Mihaela , Bucuresti
Editor:Vochita Thea, Slatina
Comments